“Love is a nightmare of compromise and generosity. Still, when it goes wrong, when it fails to appear, or when it comes home blind drunk at 3 a.m. and pees on the bed, we experience disappointment and a crushing sense of failure.”

Sadly similar to an actual incident from a past relationship of mine, the preceding quote is from the new relationship quasi-manual, “Do You Love Me or Am I Just Paranoid?” by Carina Chocano. Interesting enough, but what really piqued my curiosity was the book’s subtitle: “The Serial Monogamist’s Guide to Love.”

What in the hell is a serial monogamist? After reading up to page seven, I came to a funny, yet frightening realization.

Hello, my name is Betsy, and I am a serial monogamist. (Now it’s your turn, support group style: “Hello, Betsy.”)

Chocano proceeds to define serial monogamy as the practice of “leaping from one long, sincere ‘committed’ relationship to another like an over-stimulated squirrel monkey.” Now, I’m no squirrel monkey, but I have noticed a certain pattern – we all have them. Chocano says most of us consider these patterns as “our checkered past,” but fondly refers to it as a “romantic career.”

This book was so hysterically blunt that I found myself nodding in agreement, and at the same time laughing to the point of tears. Chocano thoroughly admits to being a victim of her own subject matter. “Is there advice contained in this book? Yes, but it’s terrible,” she says.

Chocano documents all the things you’ve screwed up in your past relationships but were too blinded by love to do anything about. She hits on every relationship mishap, from over-analyzing what he says (“‘I’ll call you’ never just means ‘I’ll call you'”) to being “swingle,” to getting over that last bad breakup, to getting back into the saddle again. And finally, Chocano delves into five types of toxic boyfriends, and subsequently, the five types of rebound guys – which are entirely right on target.

“Do You Love Me or Am I Just Paranoid” is a quick read at only 150 pages, but you’ll find it hard not to go back and read parts out loud to your friends because “that sooo happened to me!” It may not cure all those relationship ruts we continually fall into, but at least you can laugh your butt off with someone who has been there, too.courtesy photo

Carina Chocano’s new book documents common

relationship blunders.