In fall 1989, Zach and the “Saved By The Bell” gang stormed the early morning NBC line-up with plot lines so formulaic and convoluted they shamed “Boston Public” and rationalized every dumb “Friends” episode.

And we loved it.

Viewers found wackiness abounded in Bayside. One week oilers struck oil, the next Zach dressed in drag and dated Screech. One after another, massive problems fixed themselves quickly and efficiently.

This “Saved By The Bell” problem-magic kept the series fresh, unlike other popular dramas of the time. Take, for instance, Luke Perry’s drug habit in “Beverly Hills 90210.” It dragged multiple episodes while Zach rescued Kelly Kapowski’s poor family in minutes. And, even today, we still doubt Perry’s sobriety. Take that Luke Perry, you no-talent James Dean wannabe.

Obviously, the space-time continuum was an extension of Zach’s coolness. Therefore, each and every prom, marriage and idiot-ending was 100% correct and believable. Anyone remember his famous time-outs?

“Time out,” he would announce, gazing into the camera, preparing himself for a soliloquy.

Then Bayside would, of course, stop. Just for him. Then, with another scheme, he saved the day like a blond, tight-rolled, stone washed jean-wearing Superman.

Unfortunately, for the masses of loyal viewers, Superman couldn’t prevent the campy spin-offs like “Saved By The Bell: The College Years,” and that hack sequel “Saved By The Bell: The New Class.”

Every “New Class” character was ripped from the veteran series a majority of us grew up watching. Weasel, for example, was intended to be a Screech-job. Unlike our beloved Screech, the Weasel abomination lacked charm and talent. Characters like “Weasel” soon doomed the “Saved By The Bell” franchise to an early cable grave.

At some point, “The New Class” producers smelled their rotting sitcom. Quickly, Screech was revived (yay!) for a quick ratings boost. Although fans were thrilled to see Zach’s best friend, his dork novelty was lost in his role (Dean of Bayside) and the series tanked. Screech’s acting career was destroyed; a victim of the “New Class.”

Somewhere in Bayside, a dove cries.

However, several members of “Saved By The Bell” now hold promising careers. Mark-Paul Gosselaar (Zach Morris) is now an NYPD Blue Star. Mario Lopez (Albert Clifford “A.C.” Slater) stars in a syndicated daytime talk show with Danny Bonaduce; Dustin Diamond (Samuel “Screech” Powers) now tours the country performing stand-up comedy; and Elizabeth Berkley (Jessie Spano), the sweet and smart Bayside student, sexed her way into sleazier forms of cinema, namely, soft-core pornography. Even her Bayside valedictorian status couldn’t save her from pole-dancing in the 1995 train wreck “Showgirls.”

One lazy afternoon, I tuned into TBS and enjoyed the best “Saved By The Bell” episode ever. Midway through the segment, Zach is assigned a presentation on his culture. Zach calls up his uncle Chief Henry and discovers his Native-American ancestry. Henry dubs him “Running Zach.” Running Zach instantly sets a new record for being the only blue eyed, blond haired, Swedish-looking Native American. Go figure. But this is “Saved By the Bell” and “Running Zach” Morris is God.

Armed with the knowledge of his ancestors, Zach delivers a stunning A+ presentation in a feathered headdress.

Later in the day, Zach is pulled out from class to find that his beloved Uncle Chief Henry has died. Zach is shocked and too depressed to run in the big track meet against Valley. Later in the night, Running Zach falls asleep and is visited by the ghost of Chief Henry. Chief persuades Zach to run against Valley.

Zach then wakes up and believes Chief Henry’s ghost was just another “Saved By The Bell” dream sequence. OR WAS IT? Underneath Zach’s pillow lies his uncle’s beaded headband!

This is when I vowed never to watch television again.

Go Bayside. Beat Valley. Long live Running Zach.