John, you definitely remember MY number.

“John Madden ’94” for Sega Genesis is the holiest of football games, at least in the M.O.O.S.E. kingdom. Men have been made, pride has been lost and friendships have been destroyed over this stupid, silly game. In fact, “Madden” fun levels hit peaks that, to date, are unknown in modern gaming. One might say it is maddening.

It might be maddening to some, but not to myself. Why? Because I’m the best “John Madden ’94” gamer in not only our universe, but in any universe, and in any dimension, ever.

Of course, rising to my esteemed level is not a difficult challenge – you just have to know how to cheat. And no matter what a certain proverb might dictate, cheaters (the ones who don’t get caught anyway) always prosper. We’ve had several in the White House.

Stomping opponents in “Madden ’94” is as simple as selecting the Bears All-Time team. The Bears dominate anyone, anytime. Why?

Because Walter Payton and Gale Sayers are in your backfield, and they are invincible. They cut through defenders like warm cheese.

Run the sweep 99 percent of time, and you will win. You can even tell your opponent that you are running the sweep, the direction of the sweep, the angle of the sweep, the running backs involved in the sweep and the moves you are planning to juke with and still, numbers 34 and 40 will blow past you into Touchdown land.

Critics of the Invincible Sweep might confuse my move with cheating, much like critics have confused Michael Jordan with winning.

Alas, cheating would require a code, or the disabling of the opponent’s controller, whereas my Invincible Sweep just requires the two best running backs ever to play the game. That, and my “fine” timing.

Modern gamers can bring me “Madden 2003” – but to that, I spit on. “Madden 2003,” aside from the stellar gameplay, sleek layout, realistic graphics and two-point conversion the ’94 predecessor is without, lacks the Invincible Sweep.

That said, bust out the “Madden ’94” and Invincible Sweep your way into glory. Just know that you’ll never beat the Master. The Master Of Old School Entertainment, that is. BWAHAHAHA … *cough*Courtesy photo

Madden hasn’t been the same since ’94.