Dear Mazzy,

I take some exception to your advice to “Young and in Love,” who asked last week whether she should transfer to another state school to be near her boyfriend. What does the boyfriend want? If he’s as miserable as she, why doesn’t he transfer to NIU? That way, “YAIL” can continue here at Northern, which we all know to be the “premiere state institution,” and he’ll be better off here, as well!

Signed,

An NIU Staff Member

Dear NIU Staff Member,

When I receive e-mails probing me for advice, I dish out the same banters I would give my friends, had they come to me for help. I don’t claim to be any kind of professional advice-giver or even a psychic, but I do my best. You brought up an interesting point – why doesn’t the boyfriend just come to NIU? That illustrates all the unanswered questions that arise from the e-mails I receive. We don’t know that the boyfriend is miserable. He could be settling in at his college and not having problems adjusting to school like his girlfriend. See, there is so much more that we don’t know about the situation, and ultimately I gave her the advice that I felt would help her the most. While I understand your concerns for keeping the enrollment at NIU high, I didn’t think it was relevant to the situation and consequently didn’t take it into account when I gave out my advice. While I don’t claim to have all the answers, my column is merely an outlet for readers to gain an outsider’s perspective with their problems. Thanks for your feedback!

Dear Mazzy,

When I went home for Christmas break, I began spending a lot of time with a guy who’s been my friend since I was 15 years old. I haven’t been in a relationship for almost a year, but after spending so much time with my friend back home, I started having feelings for him. When I left to come back to DeKalb for second semester, we agreed to spend time together whenever I go home and we’d see where things went from there. We’ve both had our hearts broken recently and are scared to get serious. Over the last three-day weekend, I learned that his ex-girlfriend wants him back. I told him if he wanted to work things out with her that I would back off. I feel like I’m being compared to her — I have nothing to offer him. I can’t be there for him every day, and since my home is three hours from DeKalb, I can’t go home that often. I wasn’t able to talk to him much over the three-day weekend, because his ex-girlfriend and he were talking, and I was scared to go to his house – afraid that she would be there. I want to do something to show him I care for him without looking like an obsessive person. Should I back off? Should I wait and let him come to me? What can I do to show him I care? Please give me some advice.

Signed,

Scared and Confused

Dear Scared and Confused,

Jeepers, what a mess! Take things slow with this guy, because he could be just as confused as you are. He may be looking for a commitment, something his ex is available to offer, but you can’t because you live three hours away. Since you’ve been friends for so long it would be awful if things got weird for both of you. I’m sure if you keep in contact through e-mail and late-night chats, he’ll see all the good qualities you possess as his friend and he will soon acknowledge what a great girlfriend you’d make. In the meantime, show him you care without the psycho approach, just be yourself and don’t overdo it. He’ll come to you when he’s ready to get serious.

Note: Mazzy is not a trained psychiatrist, just a student with perspective.