Psst … hey, do you mind if I ask you a question? It’s OK if you do mind, I mean, I understand, you’re a busy reader and all. It would be really cool if you didn’t, but whatever.

Really? You’ve got the time? Man, this must be my lucky column. So (eyes firmly planted on own navel), I was wondering … um… why are you reading this column?

I know, the self-reflexivity of it all is enough to make a gymnast wince. But in this random assemblage of ink and print, letters and spaces, words and phrases, what drew all two of you to read this column?

I’m sorry, what was that you tried to say? Variable factors? Luck? A dare? Fate?

Ha ha, I don’t mean to laugh at the last word, but Fate certainly is in vogue, and almost as cool as En Vogue used to be. In the world of hipness, Fate walks around with a tiny cell phone and considers Carson Daly a close, personal friend. Fate definitely could do her thing in any exclusive DeKalb nightspot.

What made Fate so popular? Did she fall into the right crowd? Did she say the right things and know the right people? If you want one humble opinion, I think it’s because we always look to chance both as our hope and our cursed (scape)goat.

But really, Fate (and her hipster-cool brother, Chance) burst onto a scene she never left with the dawn of time, really. Caveman A (or Ugh, because the alphabet remained a bonfire vision) delayed an attack on the great wooly mammoth. Why? Maybe Linda C. Black’s horoscope stated her day would be a four, with troubles in finishing jobs.

Fate tumbled on through history (“Hey, today’s pretty sunny, how about a Crusade?”) but soon gained steady employment in the private sector. Tipped football passes were questioned, lucky run-ins with the opposite sex analyzed and stars were thanked for the random goodness of FM radio.

These are interesting times, however, with only strained historical precedents. Still, though, with all the big thoughts of life and fear and post-Sept. 11 angst, we rely on Fate for support and comfort & even with her somewhat unreliable track record.

This random assemblage of thoughts really struck me after watching “Serendipity,” the romantic comedy of sweet errors starring John “Not the God, but a god” Cusack and Kate Beckinsale. If you haven’t seen it, do so, because it’s the perfect opportunity for a date… like you needed one.

But in the movie, Cusack and Beckinsale meet, make googly eyes, say all the right things and orchestras swell. But instead of dumping their current partners, the twosome leaves the future up to… yep, you guessed it, Fate. Unfortunately, Fate was denied screen credit in a really messy battle that captivated Hollywood this summer.

Inevitably, an escapist viewer projects good fortune upon his own life, and suddenly things seem to make sense with a Fate friendship. Maybe, with corporate giants and never-seen terrorist threats, the thought of an even greater secular power thrills us. Maybe, with the right combination of the nerdy Preparation and freewheelin’ Fate, personal defense can create a psychologically imposing national defense.

Maybe… wait, hold up now. We’re getting off the topic here. Talking about such abstract things as Fate can do that to a person.

There are worse things in life than looking for signs and signals in the everyday nature of life. And if by some strange twist of logic and reasoning we rationalize good things, then I won’t vote against it. Hey, we know it exists, even if we don’t always understand how Fate became so powerful.

Maybe it’s the genes. Or… well, there must have been a reason she was named Fate. The thoughts are enough to sap the life out of you, but not before setting figurative birds free and anxiously awaiting a future Fate-ful encounter.