Elizabeth Weishan

The Badger Herald

University of Wisconsin

There are only four more weeks of classes, and all over campus you can see the signs that another year is drawing to a close. The freshmen look panicked at the thought of having another round of exams. The sophomores are just now realizing that maybe they should attend those last few weeks of classes to make sure they don’t fail. The juniors look depressed that they have another year of this ahead of them. The seniors, especially those seniors completing their fifth or sixth years, have that look of total apathy.

I am sure that many seniors would agree that they would like to stay in college forever if only it didn’t cost so much. But with graduation looming, the senior class is finding it harder and harder to stay focused.

In the spirit of National Geographic, I present to you the top-ten ways to recognize a graduating senior.

1. Seniors can be recognized by their lighter backpacks. Many seniors have given up carrying all of their books and notebooks with them. Some have even converted to the “one notebook is good enough for all of my classes” style of learning.

2. In smaller classes and labs, seniors can often be recognized by their listless posture and inability to rouse themselves to participation. Aimless rearranging of lab supplies is a sure sign of senioritis.

3. Seniors can often be found out at bars during the week, toasting to the fact that they have an exam the next day. Let’s listen in on a typical exchange between a graduating senior and another student.

Graduating senior to non-graduating friend: “Hey, what’s going on tonight? Wanna go to the bar?”

Non-graduating friend: “It’s Tuesday.”

Graduating senior: “I know, that’s when all the good drink specials happen!”

Non-graduating friend: “But I have an exam on Thursday.”

Graduating senior: “I have one tomorrow, but it’s not stopping me.”

Non-graduating friend: “No thanks.”

Graduating senior: “Wuss.”

4. Over in engineering, graduating seniors have another distinguishing feature: the weirdly formed grin of terror. This particular trait, while not unique to

engineering students, does seem to be more predominant in this species. The cause seems to be the fear that results from not yet having a job to start immediately after graduation. The grin of terror is particularly easy to spot this year in light of the declining economy. To observe the grin of terror, simply ask a graduating engineer: “So, what are you doing after graduation?” The grin should appear instantly.

5. Graduating seniors are also highly recognizable through their unique speech patterns. They use an unusual number of place names, for example: “Well, I sure don’t want to stay in Wisconsin. I’m thinking Portland, San Francisco, maybe Seattle.”

This can also be observed in the graduating senior who is looking for graduate schools. “I got into Boston and George Washington, but I really want to go to American. I haven’t heard from them yet.” The uninitiated are usually left to nod wisely as though they care about these topics.

6. With the weather finally tending toward spring, we can observe another distinct graduating senior trait called Terracephilia. On any rainless afternoon, Terracephilia can easily be observed in the crowds of graduating seniors lolling about the Memorial Union Terrace. They all profess to love the Terrace more than life itself and claim that they will miss it more than any other feature of Madison. As such, graduating seniors try to spend as much time at the Terrace as possible.

7. The graduating senior also displays a highly developed ability to justify his or her actions. Mottos like “Cs get degrees” and “Here we go, two-point-O” are just some of the ways graduating seniors justify hanging out at the Terrace, skipping classes and going to bars during the week.

8. Graduating seniors also may be discovered through careful analysis of schedules. Graduating seniors take an unusual number of “easy classes” like Phys. Ed. electives and 100-level lectures with 300 or more students. “Yeah, I’m taking the last classes I needed for my major, Music Appreciation 101, Ballroom Dancing and Anthropology 104 ‘cause I needed an ethnic-studies class.”

9. Right now graduating seniors can be found if one waits patiently in the Peterson Building or Union South. When a graduating senior passes the newly released stack of Fall 2001 Timetables, he will usually slow down a little, look at the pile and smile happily (and not a little smugly) to himself.

10. A very specific species of graduating senior & those who work for The Badger Herald & can be distinguished by their complete inability to write about anything of substance in the Opinion section.

Elizabeth Weishan is a senior majoring in history and anthropology at the University of Wisconsin. The Badger Herald is the independent student newspaper at University of Wisconsin. Visit the paper’s Web site at www.badgerherald.com.