Ah, the joys of spring break. Sipping margaritas on the beach, meeting new people, seeing new places.

Wait, you aren’t going anywhere for spring break? Stranded in the black hole of northern Illinois, otherwise known as DeKalb?

Don’t fret. For those of you who don’t benefit from a large excess of funds, there are plenty of things to do. Really.

I’ve spent the last four years having nothing to do for spring break. Usually, my greatest feat over the five-day break was being able to get up in time and set my TV up to watch Jenny Jones and Jerry Springer simultaneously with my parents’ picture-in-picture feature. Now doesn’t that sound like a rip-roaring fun time or what?

For the first time in my life, I am actually leaving this God-forsaken state and spending these five days elsewhere. No hate mail, please. I do feel for those of you who can’t leave & I’ve been there.

Here are some super ideas for the unlucky souls who can’t go anywhere on their time off. It may not be better than going to Cancun, Orlando or South Padre, but hey, it’s something to do, right?

Cheezy option No. 1: Take a road trip.

So it’s not as great as surfing off the Florida Keys, but it still could be fun. Get in your car, or find someone who has one, and just drive. Get lost, literally, but not too much. Nothing is more fun than jumping in a caravan with a bunch of other chronically broke friends and cruising around the countryside. Go visit some friends at another college. They are all still in school because, unluckily, NIU seems to be the only school that gets out at this time for break. Or you could go to a park, if the weather is nice enough. Camp out. Bond with each other (tear).

For many people who are graduating in May, like myself, this may be the last time you will be able to all hang out together for a long time, possibly forever. Just think & you’ll only have to pay for some junk food, gas and possibly a cheap motel room, which would add up to less than one plane ticket to Las Vegas.

Cheezy Option No. 2: Have your own party.

So you and your friends don’t have a car. Now what’s there to do? Throw your own Spring Break Party.

Now this could be pretty exciting, depending on your level of creativity and number of friends. Make a theme.

For example, get some plastic swimming pools from Wal-Mart, some cheap Christmas lights and some little umbrella thingies and have a luau. And if you’re over 21, make some Mai Tais and Pina Coladas. This may be my lamest idea yet, but it could work.

Cheezy Option No. 3: Fake it (not that & geez, get your mind out of the gutter).

No, really, fake it. If you are really looking forward to late nights of “The Wonder Years” and holding your parents’ couch down over break but don’t want your friends to know, make up something.

Lather yourself up with some self-tanner, buy a sombrero and make out some postcards. No one but you will know that you stayed in (your hometown here) for five days. OK, maybe this is even more lame than option 2.

Moving along…

Cheezy Option No. 4: Get a makeover.

Now, this could be interesting. Just think: When all your friends come back, jet-lagged, penniless (ha, ha) and possibly hung over, you will look like a completely new person. Spring break is the perfect time to try that purple punk ‘do you’ve always wanted.

Your friends will be surprised, and maybe a little frightened, depending on how drastic the change is, and no doubt envious. They will look like bums; you will look like a new person. Not only could this be fun, but it could lesson the vengeful feelings about not getting to go anywhere.

Cheezy Option No. 5: Catch up, learn something, start anew

Remember that book you’ve always wanted to read or those movies you’ve always wanted to rent? How about those projects you’ve been meaning to start?

Well, if the roommates are all gone and you’ve already named all the furniture in your house AND counted all the ceiling tiles & why not be a little productive? Spending time alone does have its benefits, but when inanimate objects have first names, it’s time for some change. Get out and go to a museum. Go find somewhere in DeKalb you’ve never been to before (if there is such a place).

Either way, you will be fattening those brain cells while all your friends are frying them at the beach. There’s always the rec center, too, if you’re really desperate. Just think, you’ll be burning calories while everyone else is packing them on.

Sure, the prime option for spring break would be to get the heck out of here. But for many of us, it’s just not feasible. So what if all your friends are somewhere else? Who knows, it could actually be fun spending some time in DeKalb. Life is full of surprises, after all.