Make a wish.

OK — when you’re finished reading this column, forward it to 87 of your closest friends, and your wish will come true. Not only that, but money will be donated to a dying boy in Seattle who desperately needs a new esophagus, and you’ll receive a $20 gift certificate to Victoria’s Secret.

Forwards never cease to amaze me. Where else can you get a message from Bill Gates himself, saying he’ll give you $100 for sending his message to others, or know that each time someone opens an account and reads the sad tale of young “Billy,” the boy without kidneys, his legacy will continue.

Where else can you get messages from people with the subject line: “YOU’LL LOVE THIS!!!” and scroll down a thousand addresses of people you don’t know, only to end up with a picture of Winnie the Pooh made out of semi colons and question marks?

The fact that I receive a dozen forwards a day, despite my insistent pleas of “No, thank you, I don’t like forwards” leads me to believe one thing: My friends hate me.

I know I’m not alone out there in the cyber universe with my computer gripes. I visit Web sites such as www.iwillfollow.com/email.htm to learn the dos and don’ts of netiquette — Internet manners. I take netiquette quizzes to learn the latest e-breviations and cute configurations of colons and backslashes to make pretty pictures. And I take note of what to do and what not to do when it comes to sending messages or participating in chat rooms.

I’ve invested a lot of time in learning the social graces of our non-Pentium-processed world, but now that I spend more and more time connected to the Web, I realize it’s important to upgrade my manners before I interact online.

Everything you were ever taught about grammar, spelling and punctuation goes out the window when writing online. Our hands become their own entity — all they want to do is type and send, type and send. Capitalization is forgotten. Spelling? What’s that? Complete sentences — oh, they’ll know what I mean.

Going to chat rooms is like visiting another planet. E-breviations are everywhere. As soon as you sign on, people want to know your a/s/l (age, sex, location), see your pics (pictures) and cyber (uh, get to know you better). Taking things slow is not an option.

Our careers often depend on the Internet, too. It’s not uncommon to use the Web to send resumes to future employers, to correspond about interviews or to say thanks for opportunities that have presented themselves. But to assume that these future employers could care less about receiving an e-mail from someone with the address name I_am_a_jackass @email.com can prove to be foolish, not to mention unprofessional. For this reason, it’s helpful to create a couple accounts to keep personal messages in one place and professional messages in another. It also shows proper netiquette on your part.

The easy life of e-communicating can form hard-to-break habits. A lot of us learn the rules of the Internet as we go, but before you commit another user-unfriendly move, here are some e-breviations and tips from the netiquette Web site.

Byte-size phrases: BRB — be right back; TTFN — ta ta for now; LOL — laughing out loud; ROTFL — rolling on the floor laughing; BTW — by the way; PM — private message; TTYL — talk to you later; BCNU — be seeing you.

Keep your voice down: Things in caps mean shouting. It’s considered IMPOLITE to shout your messages.

Feeling things out: When e-mailing someone about a touchy or personal topic, don’t hesitate to put how you’re feeling or what your mood is in parentheses to let the reader know whether you’re upset or calm as you speak your mind.

No forwarding address, please: Delete the addresses that come before a forwarded message. Not only will this save the reader the hassle of scrolling to find the message, but it’s more likely the person will read it.

More to come: Before sending attachments, make sure the other person can retrieve it, as well as handle the space it would take up in their account.

What’s this all about? Use the subject line for your messages. If someone is in a hurry, they will know whether your message is urgent or something that can be enjoyed at a later time.

Workload: Respect the work environment. Companies can keep track of in-going and out-going messages, so sending or receiving inappropriate stuff could get you or a friend in trouble.

I’m waiting: Be patient when waiting for responses. Not everyone has the time to check e-mail every half hour. Use common sense when thinking about e-mailing someone again. With employers or businesses, be extra cautious because countless messages could cross an employer’s desk at any time, so responses could take a while.

I’m only human: It’s sometimes easy to forget that there’s a person on the other side of the connection. Respect other users and more than likely, the respect will be returned.