Hey, did you know today’s Valentine’s Day?

I know, barely anyone’s even mentioned the holi … HEY, PUT DOWN THE AIR SUPPLY CD, PRONTO!

That’s the crazy little thing about love, or at least one of them. On the most forced romantic day of the year, we can reflect on just how much we rely on other people’s version of love:

“Wow, I feel as bad as Nazareth did in ‘Love Hurts.'”

OK, maybe those exact words never have been uttered. But did you ever notice how many people have put their two cents in on the topic and the big business of selling those words? My bedroom decoration centers around two opposite walls: on one, a collection of love quotes and on the other, a collection of quotes about sex. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves, because the umpire calls you out if you skip one of the bases.

According to the north wall, love is: a battlefield, like a rock, supreme, a tissue of paradoxes, a canvass, like an hourglass, a furnace, an irresistible desire and just another four-letter word.

So, then, the great philosophical question is, who’s right?

Wouldn’t that feed the ego of the quotable person? What all these memorable quotes tell us, from Plato to Woody Allen and all the Lily Tomlins in between, is that there is no be-all, end-all for love.

That doesn’t really help the amateur Don Juans out there looking for the perfect words at the perfect time. In fact, most of these quotes were given a long time ago, when Sweetest Day didn’t even exist. There was a time, the history books tell us.

There aren’t any quotes about the glistening of her hair after working out at the Campus Recreation Center or the way she runs the pedestrian crosswalk to dodge oncoming cars.

For those romantic occasions, you must be your own quote master. But I can help.

What gives me the authority to tell you how to talk to the opposite sex? I don’t think you have much of a case because you are looking for pointers in a lowly column.

Just follow three simple rules to make your own insightful, romantic quote that will snag that waiting-to-be-wooed damsel.

1) Whatever you do, do NOT quote Webster’s dictionary in talking about love. If she’s right for you, she already read the dictionary and will call your bluff.

2) Writing a poem is nice, but concentrate on the feelings rather than iambic pentameter. In fifth grade, I wrote a poem to a girl and somehow rhymed something with “social studies.” But if writing a poem, just let it flow and follow it up with something physical in person. Poems are never just enough.

3) When in doubt, go to the song lyrics. Rock stars never seem to be searching for ladies to love. There must be something in those songs that will make them swoon.

All kidding aside, Valentine’s Days come and go, but remember that a lady will never forget what you do for her. Just ask a woman about the holiday, and she will list, by year, her experiences.

In the end, though, love makes everything else pale in comparison. Forget the classes, the work, the rainy days and the bad love songs and remember there’s no one listed in the NIU Expert’s Guide under “love” & not even lonely ol’ me.

If nothing else, stand up proud, with sweaty hands and sandpaper tongue and funnel all those feelings into some words.

The look you’ll receive will speak a thousand conversations.