Springtime weather brings on romance

The National Board of Newspaper Column Cliches has sent me a letter stating that I haven’t been using enough cliches in my column lately.

So … This is the time of year (spring) when a young man’s heart turns to thoughts of love. (And the six Bs: baseball, barbecues, beaches, beer, bathing beauties and bumming around).

But back to love.

Summer definitely seems to heat up one’s interest in romance. When it comes to love, did you ever notice that certain people …

I’ve thought it over and decided I can’t write about romance for a whole column without getting in trouble. So, instead, let’s briefly turn to the six Bs before exploring love a little more.

Baseball: I miss the all-black White Sox uniforms which made them look like one of the gangs from the movie “The Warriors.”

Barbecues: Tip number one: Don’t squirt lighter fluid on the coals while you have food grilling. Tip number two: Don’t operate a grill while under the influence of alcohol. Tip number three: TV dinners don’t cook too well on a Weber—this also relates to tip number two.

Beaches: The thong bikini is one of the greatest inventions of our time.

Beer: Yes, please.

Bathing beauties: This year’s Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue stunk. Bring back Elle MacPherson.

Bumming around: I had one of my most enjoyable summers last year. I did nothing productive except sleep in the sun, skip classes and eat brownies while watching Jeopardy and the People’s Court.

It seems like the lower ends of the NIU evolutionary scale all leave DeKalb during the summer, leaving a veritable Garden of Eden, or at least a version where corn replaces apple trees and the only snakes you see are roadkill.

But back to love.

It’s been described many ways: The opening of one’s soul to another, sharing life totally with another human being or supreme spiritual joy.

I, personally, like the perspective put on it by blues singer Rick Estrin of Little Charlie and the Nightcats.

“Sometimes a man ain’t nothin‘ but a dog on two legs,” Estrin often says.

That about sums it up from a male’s point of view.

Which brings up this helpful hint, in the form of an old blues story, for people at this tempting and romantic time of the


There was a group of old dogs sitting one day by a railroad station, when they see a young dog running by the side of the tracks. Just then, a speeding train comes roaring by and cuts off the tip of the young dog’s tail.

The older dogs tell the young dog to forget about it and continue on his way. But the young dog decides that he has to find the cut-off tip and starts looking for it on the tracks.

Another speeding train then roars by, knocking the young dog’s head off and killing him.

The moral of the story is, “Don’t lose your head chasing a little tail.”

omantic, ain’t it?