Now that most of us have come to the grim realization that school is really here, it’s time for the fun things again. The purr of the wind as it knocks over one out of every six students that walks through the wind tunnel known as the Commons; the soft air chapping that rosy glow into the faces of anyone leaving indoors; or maybe you’re lucky enough to have to brave the cold in order to pick up classes at stand/wait, er, add/drop.

Now that it’s January, there’s a holiday coming up, and it’s time to exhume an old issue: The Martin Luther King Sculpture.

See, there’s a new concept for those people who can’t see past the funnel to the important meaning behind the man.

That’s where this idea comes in … something everyone can relate to … NO SCHOOL. Think of it as a “day-off sculpture.” We get a day off for Martin Luther King Jr.‘s birthday, so you can look at the sculpture and think, “Hey, that reminds me, we get a day off for that um, thing.”

Actually, though we get Monday off, King’s real birthday is today, just like mine. I could break into an old traditional Beatles song right now,(“You say it’s your birthday…”) but it doesn’t really have the same effect in writing.

To go one step further, it’s also Charo’s birthday today. (Who can forget her occasional shimmy on Hollywood Squares, or her award-winning performances on The Love Boat?) So I guess if you were really into the hootchie-cootchie thing you could think of that. (In a weird way, the sculpture does resemble the basic body shape of Charo, but I think it’s best to drop that whole issue now. Arriba.)

Yet another great thing about the sculpture is that there are ways to get back some of the money spent on it. Why not plug up the holes, let the snow fill the funnel, mix up a big batch of Snoopy Snowcone Mix and sell icy treats to students for cash?

(It’s a long shot, but so is the chance of the new plants around the lower funnel surviving any season in DeKalb.)

Or how about having ‘Funnelfest’ each year and making a giant bonfire in it to roast corn, marshmallows and people who still ride their bikes when there’s tons of ice and snow on the ground? Or better yet, a whirly-wishing well like the one when you walk into Wal-Mart. Drop a coin in and watch it sail around the slope. Fun for the entire family. We could even use that money to pay for the Student Life Building or maybe get the mystery ‘Stairs-O-Death’ fixed that goes down from the side of the library doors to that odd small courtyard place and back up toward Swen Parson again.

If you want to scrap all those ideas, you still can’t help but wonder what the next sculpture will be. Perhaps the La Tourette Memorial Motor Oil Can Sculpture to go next to the funnel? Or the J. Carroll Moody Abstract Carburetor Sculpture? The ideas may seem a bit off the wall, but then again, so does a Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial Funnel. It’s not the type of thing that can be left alone.

Happy birthday, Dr. King. Happy birthday, Charo. Happy birthday to my friend who can stick pencils in his hair and anyone else who’s a year older today. For everyone else, relax. I won’t bring it up again without being provoked, but when something irks you, there’s always a way to see it in a new light. All you have to do is lighten up.