Animals really are not equal to human beings

It’s been a real bad week. Bad weeks breed erratic behavior.

Absolutely nothing of any major relevance is happening on campus this semester. Louis Farrakhan hasn’t paid a visit, there are no wars for oil going on, and the Student Association has done even less than I thought was possible. Of course, we don’t want to screw up our resumes with any controversy, now do we?

Oxymoron of the week—”animal rights.”

Having said that, I suppose an explanation is in order. It seems there are too many people throughout the world who have their priorities out of whack.

There are many groups of radical wanna-bes out there who spend their time protesting and proselytizing over animal rights.

I’m sure these people are well-intentioned, but please, can’t these people spend their time protesting something that would help further the human race a little bit more?

Now of course, the argument from these people will inevitably be that animals have an impact on how we live and have an effect on the ecosystem, help the environment, and all of that nice namby-pamby pablum-puking hyperbole.

Unfortunately, there are so many better things to be out there protesting for.

For example, there are a lot of homeless people trudging the streets nowadays due to Reaganomics fallout and George “Hey, I’m domestic” Bush. Why don’t these concerned individuals worry about their own species instead of busting into Mary Kay Cosmetic plants and rescuing Fluffy the Rabbit?

There is still racism, sexism, child abuse, drug abuse, alcohol abuse and several other types of abuse running rampant throughout the world.

Damn it, we can’t even solve the problems of the human race so why should anyone be devoting time to saving a bunch of animals?

The animals which humans exploit and consume have a lower slot than us on the food chain. Humans are the most intelligent animals and thus have a prioritized place on the food chain—the top. And that’s the way it should be too. Hey, it’s basic Darwinism—deal with it!

Meat is good, meat is tasty, and meat is what let us transplanted Europeans, Africans, Asians, and every other politically correct group evolve into the hirsute, strong Americans who built this country. Vive la viande!

Granted, it’s certainly “not nice” that animals have to die, but better them than us. I have no problem with animals dying in medical testing. Hey, if a human life is going to be spared because we do testing on rats and rabbits and come up with the cure for AIDS, so be it!

Berke Breathed, creator of the near god-like cartoon “Bloom County,” captured the sheer folly of these animal rights activists a few years back. It all starts with vegetarianism—after all, we shouldn’t kill animals. Then, we shouldn’t walk on grass because the grass is alive too. Finally, in the last strip, the parody ends with no one being able to breathe because when we breathe, we kill microorganisms in the air.

Eating meat is not wrong, it’s okay to wear a fur coat whenever possible (even if it looks tacky as hell), and let medical technology improve by testing on animals. Shalom!