It shouldn’t be new or controversial to tell someone “Not everything is about you.”
If you are allergic to apples, it isn’t an attack on your life if a bakery serves apple pie. If you can’t stand onions, it’s your fault if you order onion rings and end up hating them. So why does that logic seemingly go out the window online?
In 2023, a TikTok user by the name of @vibingranolamom posted a recipe for bean soup. The purpose of the recipe was to help improve iron levels in people with anemia or those who are menstruating.
The video received 10.4 million views, no doubt due to the audience interactions in the comment section. Users commented about not liking beans and asked about substitutions for them.
It got to the point where the post sparked an aptly name, the “bean soup theory.” The so-called theory describes what happens as an aftermath of hyper individualism; a phenomenon leading individuals to have a heightened sense of self-importance. People became enraged at the lack of non-bean alternatives as if the video was made specifically for them and intentionally left out their particular taste.
Furthermore, the theory describes scenarios where people center themselves in stories and situations that don’t apply to them. People who experience this can’t help but wonder how a situation affects them personally, in nearly every scenario.
Centering yourself can be important in select situations, but it can be detrimental to relationships.
It’s no secret being left out of something can be hurtful. However, mature individuals must remember it’s not personal. Especially when it’s an online post or international news.
You should actively care if there is a war happening. You should passively care if someone you don’t know is going through a hard time. You should know not to care about a recipe that you know you won’t like.
It is your responsibility to know when a situation needs attention or when it needs to be left alone. Sure, if your mother made you bean soup when she knows you hate it, feel free to complain about it. If a stranger makes bean soup, why do you care if it isn’t for you?
There is simply no feasible way to create something – be it an object or idea – everyone will agree with. Someone will always be allergic to something. Someone’s personal beliefs may go against yours. That’s OK.
Participating in this “all about me” way of thinking is unhealthy. This sense of self can lead to alienation from others. When someone views everything as either for them or as personally offensive, it is hard to form any mutual relationship with them.
Some people are just stuck in their own world, thinking everything must be self-serving is a dangerous mentality. It’s annoying. It’s draining. It expects other people to care as much about you as you do yourself, and it’s unrealistic.
It’s time to grow up and realize that most things do not involve you, and that’s OK.
