Job hunting similar to dating, just with more paperwork

By Ross Hettel

With graduation looming, I’ve recently been on a bout of job hunting. It has been the biggest emotional roller coaster since the drama bomb of my on-again, off-again high school girlfriend, Becky. (We can still be friends, right Becky?)

Besides the emotional turmoil, job hunting can consume your life, have adverse effects on your schoolwork and directly impact your foreseeable future. So it’s pretty much like dating, just with more paperwork.

The First Date

You’re excited; ready to show yourself off to the world and future mates employers. You go buy a suit, get it tailored (seriously guys, do this — no one hires a man wearing a sail) and craft the perfect resume that lets them know you have a sense of humor, but also serious and ready for commitment.

Now you’re ready for your first date, er, interview. With the allure of something new and strange in the air, you show off by telling your best stories while hiding your worst flaws. They tell you in a subtle (or not so subtle) way what they’re looking for and what they’re willing to do to interest you in joining them.

Shortly after the first date comes the most agonizing part of job hunting…

The “Do I Call?” Period

In terms of anxiety, this period is comparable only to bullfighting and bomb defusing when you’re really desperate for a job.

Obviously, you want to call them back to let them know you had a great time, but you don’t want to appear too needy, despite the giant thought in the forefront of your mind screaming, “I REALLY NEED THIS.”

Try to play it cool; be aloof. Don’t, under any circumstances, call them up the next day and ramble on about how you just applied for an apartment nearby so you can be closer to one another.

The Second Date

Oh good, they called back. This usually means things went pretty well the first time and they want to see more of you.

If they’re a classy company, expect them to take things slow. With any luck, you’ll make it to second base and they’ll let you peek inside their offices.

Maybe they’re not so classy, and before you know it you’re back at their office ready to jump right to home base, otherwise known as a job offer.

The Scent

The “scent,” a term coined by Boy Meets World, is what happens when you’ve finally chosen that special company. All of a sudden, now that you’re no longer on the market, it seems that EVERYONE wants a piece of you.

“Where were you a week ago when I was drowning in Rocky Road, lamenting that no company wants me?” you may ponder.

My job hunt is thankfully over, and I’m glad to go back to dating for one reason in particular: nothing kills the mood like signing an eight page contract laying out expectations and appropriate compensation. (Ladies, call me.)