“Look me in the eyes and tell me you didn’t break that lamp,” said my parents when I denied any wrongdoing. It pained me as a child, but looking people in the eyes may be more important than we may think.

In the 2003 movie Paycheck with Ben Affleck and Uma Thurman, Uma’s first scene involves a close-up of her dazzling blue eyes seductively gazing Ben’s way, drawing him in to converse. Of course, her tactic works, and the movie ends as most action-romance movies do: with the two A-list stars hooking up in the end.

Hypothetically, what if Ben chose texting the moment Uma gazed his way? What if you are Ben and everyday miss out on “Umas” everywhere because texting trumps non-verbal cues IRL (in real life)? People everywhere aren’t learning how to deal with uneasy communication, specifically communicating feelings and enjoying romance, because of texting.

Good news. More people are hooking up on the first date. Laura Berman, a sex and relationships expert, says this is due to technology.

“People are more likely to flirt and indulge in pre-date sexual banter creating sexual tension – even sexual expectation – setting the stage for a randy first encounter IRL,” Berman said, in an online article.

CNN contributor Thom Patterson chastised how “texting is the new love letter; kisses are substituted by abbreviations like KOTL, or kiss on the lips,” and The Bachelor has “hijacked romantic courtship.”

Speaking of causes of divorce, whoever conceived a loving marriage could fruit from 25 women cattily competing on primetime television for one man should probably be taken out back and told, “that’ll do pig.”

Real-life bachelors are encouraged to date one woman at a time, unless they are Charlie Sheen or unethical. Whereas texting isolates users, The Bachelor encourages contestants to subvert the sexual advances of housemates while competing for one-on-one time with a newly acquired, yet deeply desired male prospect. They just met. And I don’t care if Trista and Ryan are still together, what are we teaching by encouraging people to play Russian Roulette with their potential spouses?

Texting potentially raises an entire generation of dysfunctional communicators, especially concerning relationships. I already mentioned KOTL, but the odd amalgam of characters, DWPKOL, or “deep, wet, passionate kiss on the lips,” also exists. Texting 143 actually means I love you, and if that isn’t clear enough to your insignificant other, try sending “RYS? TD2M 6Y?”

You just asked, “Are you single, talk dirty to me sexy.” Who says these things? Texting this gibberish is about as sexy as being seduced by R2D2 – and I would need C-3P0 to translate.