When people ask me what I do, I tell them I sell crack.

I tell them this not because I deal crack, but because it is much better to be thought of as a crack dealer than a journalist.

As a crack dealer, my only clients are addicts; whereas being a journalist, I have the potential to deal to millions.

Our products are inherently the same. Both crack and information change an individual’s thought patterns, emotions, attitudes and decision-making processes. And in this age it is much better to deal crack than information, for the information being dealt to the public is bunk.

Fox News is inherently the easiest target. A simple trip to MediaMatters.org displays countless fallacious news stories aired on Fox, such as swapping footage of more aggressive protestors in California and representing them as Wisconsin protestors. Fox is the worst kind of dealer: the one who sells you Splenda.

A second dealer in misinformation is CNN. CNN, unlike Fox, does not deliberately mislead viewers to achieve a goal. Instead, CNN cuts its information with so much filler one can barely tell if they got high.

Between anchor roulette, YouTube videos and “leaving it there,” an information addict can never get their fix watching CNN.

Of course, one can get information from newspapers and the Internet, both of which have their pros and cons, but this column is specifically focused on the kingpins, because they are the ones giving all the small-time dealers a bad name.

In fact, if a few simple changes were made, I would not be ashamed to call myself a journalist.

The first change needed is content. Just an FYI to the networks: News does not have to be breaking. Instead of hypothesizing the cause of some event or its outcomes, take some time to research.

This leads to the second change: time. I know Americans have been criticized for short attention spans, but if your information is well-developed, I promise you that we will pay attention. Instead of running a five-minute segment on a topic 12 times a day, try focusing on it for at least an hour straight.

The last change needed is the separation of opinion and information. Journalists, unless specified as columnists, have the supreme duty of remaining absolutely objective.

The purpose of their job is to present information, which can include two opposing opinions, and let the client make up their mind with the facts given. This is the only true way to remain fair and balanced.

I am ashamed to call myself a journalist because these main tenets of journalism are being violated by those journalists who have reached the top of our profession.

Logan Short, my colleague at the Northern Star, once asked an all-too real question during a training seminar: “Do you have to sell out?”

Unfortunately, the answer is yes. I would like to think otherwise, but the dope that the kingpins sell eliminates most other conclusions.

Instead of having a free press, we have a press that has been bought either to represent specific interests or to remain completely incompetent.

This is why when I am asked my occupation, I say crack dealer, for it is better to be thought of as that than a prostitute.