The Rant: Ducks fly together

By Chris Dertz

Oregon is the new No. 1 team in the latest BCS standings, and football fans everywhere should rejoice.

Not because the Ducks’ point-per-minute offense is the most exciting thing since sliced bread (seriously genius stuff).

Not because Oregon is clearly the best team in the nation, and not because Emilio Estevez fans everywhere will be able to chant “quack, quack, quack, quack, quack Mr. Ducksworth!” and not feel silly.

But nobody on this earth knows what kind of uniforms Oregon would dream up for a national championship game. A stitch count that would borderline on the insane would be nothing compared to the design itself.

My guess is that the face masks would feature actual ducks’ bills, and every time Oregon makes a tackle, a tiny chip inside the shoulder pads would send a signal to every TV in the nation to play the sound of a quack. That is why the nation should be rooting for Oregon.

That, and the Mr. Ducksworth thing, too.