Movie review: Blades of Glory

By David Rauch

Grade: C | You knew what you were getting yourself into before you entered the theater.

Everyone, from the truly excited to the proud-movie-buff-forced-by-their-friends, says, “I know that this will be stupid, but I just want to laugh tonight.”

Enjoying “Blades of Glory” is like a national guilty pleasure. And don’t blame the comic movie industry for giving us only what we think we want.

Some people might have actually gotten more than they wanted. To understand “Blades of Glory,” think “Napoleon Dynamite” meets “Talladega Nights” meets “The Cutting Edge” with a lot of gay jokes. There was a lot of nervous laughter in the theater, and it is hard to imagine any homophobic proto-male letting his guard down enough to laugh at any of the movie’s hundred inuendo jokes.

In 2002, the same year as the real Olympic Winter Games figure skating scoring scandal, men singles’ skaters Chazz Michael Michaels (Will Ferrell) and Jimmy MacElroy (John Heder) receive the same first place score and are forced to share a gold medal. An embarrassing fight, tarnished ceremony and hilarious ignited mascot later, Michaels and MacElroy are banned from singles’ figure skating for life by Mr. Feeny, portrayed by the man known best as the teacher/neighbor from “Boy Meets World,” William Daniels. The two skaters meet years later to skate to victory as a controversial male-male pairs team.

People familiar with figure skating will recognize the source material for most of the movie. A YouTube search for international skate-star Evgeni Plushenko’s “Sex Bomb” strip-tease program will show the source of Michael’s sex-addict routine, while a search for Johnny Weir’s Swan routine will expose the root of MacElroy’s peacock-themed program.

The plot is standard fare (and no one asked for more), though to burst many a bubble, there is no loophole in Olympic figure-skating that allows for male-male couples.

Ferrell and Heder did not have to stretch for either role, though Heder’s “Jimmy curls” were as sensational as his peacock costume, and Ferrell’s sex-addict running gag was quite the shock.

While the skating routines were entertaining, the best parts of the movie were the one-liners or amusing sequences with mascots being either lit on fire or shot in the snowball head with a crossbow.

Go figure.