Pantaloons are restricting

By Anthony Szudarski

I hate wearing pants. There, I said it.

I’m not one of those guys who wants to lounge around in his underwear all day; I happily wear shorts as often as I possibly can. Trousers, jeans, sweats and any other type of pantaloons—I dislike wearing them all.

While I speak for myself about my dislike, I feel there are a multitude of reasons to avoid wearing the trouser threat and go the way of knickerbockers (shorts):

First, pants are constricting. I’m not talking just skinny jeans. I’ve noticed that my range of movement is limited while wearing pants. This is a major problem for me.

Every now and then, the hippie inside me wants to play hacky sack, and anyone who’s played knows there are ways you just can’t bend in pants. Sweats don’t work because bagginess is the enemy of this game, so wearing too loose of pants, which can cause the hacky sack to get lost, just won’t cut it.

A silly example, I know, but what about when Humans vs. Zombies starts up again on campus? We can’t be expected to run around NIU and hide from the flesh-eating army if our movements are constricted.

Second, and I’m sure everyone has faced this problem before, when your pant legs get wet, they sag. I know the easy answer is, “Anthony, don’t get your pants wet.” Thank you, person who states the obvious.

While this sounds easy in practice, when we have storms like we did this past week, staying dry is nearly impossible to do. My jeans get wet and make that horrible sloppy sound as they smack and drag against the ground, and this makes me want to go reverse Hulk and tear my pants off rather than my shirt.

My final reason for disliking the wearing of slacks is this: It constantly reminds me that summer is over and winter is coming. In the summer I never have to wear jeans, sweats or any other type of pantaloons—except when my work dress code calls for it.

I love having the option of just emptying my pockets and jumping into a lake if I want to on a warm summer day. I love the freedom from responsibilities that casual shorts allow.

So there it is. I dislike pants, not because they aren’t stylish or functional, but because they represent the end of summer. Don’t we all want to hold on to the best season just a little longer?

So here is my promise to you, my motto, if you will: I will wear my pants. I will wear them and smile, but only for chemistry labs (because I don’t want to have to retake it next semester), in times of sickness and when there is snow on the ground.

Come chem, phelgm or snow, I will wear pants, NIU.