Ladies, please work out before Halloween


Sexy Halloween costumes

By Jessica Jenks

Halloween is a month away. Soon, decorations of spooky creatures will start filling the windows of people’s houses. Jack O’Lanterns will stare from front porches at passers by. Screams will ring out from those scared in haunted houses and lost in corn mazes, but something far more frightening occurs on All Hallow’s Eve: “sexy” costumes.

Websites and stores sell the classic Playboy bunny costumes, French maid costumes, and school girl costumes, but then it starts to get weird. Sexy Optimus Prime costumes and sexy Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are now being sold. I know Raphael is such sexy lady-turtle, but who wants to be sexy Splinter?

The website even carries a sexy Chucky costume. By Chucky, I do mean the killer doll that used to haunt your dreams. Unfortunately now that costume is going to haunt my dreams.

Craig Priestley, senior communications major, said, “I personally don’t like slutty costumes. There’s no real thought or creativity going into it. It’s just showing skin for the sake of showing skin.”

The way to have a costume that makes you stand out from all the others is to wear a costume that is different. If everyone else is wearing a short dress and headband with fake antennae claiming to be a sexy insect, then don’t wear a variation of that. I do not understand when insects became sexy.

The problem with these provocative costumes is that they should just be called costumes with less fabric. Just because someone is wearing a costume that calls itself sexy doesn’t make the person look more attractive. Too often girls go out on Halloween looking like… what is the politically correct term? Sex workers.

From one female to another, I’m going to be honest. If you insist on wearing one of these ridiculous costumes, hit the gym now. If you cannot pull off the skimpy ladybug look, get a different costume.

Your cellulite, love handles, stretch marks and cankles are not attributes that should be flaunted. Luckily, I’m reminding you to start working out now if you want to put on plastic fangs and a bikini and call yourself a vampire.

If the rec is a foreign place to you, you probably will not be ready for that tiny costume this year, but going to the rec is a good habit. Start now and perhaps next year that Tinkerbell costume will fit. I know I should not be seen in public dressed in a Princess Leia slave costume. I am frighteningly pale, and the sight of my belly clearly indicates I enjoy a good beer or nine from time to time.

I’m not saying that only a certain body type can claim to be sexy, because no matter how fit someone is, many of these costumes are going to make anyone wearing them look like a cheap…sex worker. If that is the goal of your Halloween costume, then there are a wide variety of outfits to choose from. Just remember the wise words from pop punk band Blink-182: “Some girls try too hard.”

First of all, pick a costume that fits. If you want a sexy costume, pick just one body part to flaunt. When it comes to Halloween costumes, less is not more. Maybe you have a good chest situation going on; wear a low cut top, but cover everything else up. Perhaps you like your legs. Wear something with a short skirt, but do not wear something on top that is too revealing.

I know the majority of females are going to completely disregard my advice and wear the sluttiest costume that they can find. Please just start doing some cardio today. Because if you do not, when you are dancing at a party with your jelly belly jiggling all over the place, people will just be making fun of you. No one will be thinking “Wow, she’s a sexy lion. Rawr!”