It’s funny how relationships work - or don’t work.

Couples go through three standard phases in the first year of being together, and if they want to make it past phase three, it takes some effort by both parties.

The "tulips and roses" phase is by far the best, and also the shortest. You meet the greatest person in the world and everyone else is chopped liver. It’s the fun phase because there is no fighting or drama, likely because you don’t know how to piss each other off yet.

Just how the first summer heat makes spring flowers wilt and die, the "tulips and roses" phase is short-lived. By the time a relationship moves into the "getting to know you" phase, couples may or may not have had the awkward "what are we?" talk. You might think the "tulips and roses" phase is when a couple gets to know each other, but in that time, you think everything about that person is wonderful. His stinky feet don’t bother you and you think he’s cute when he’s mad.

But in the "getting to know you" phase, the lovey-dovey stuff has dramatically died down and you finally start acting like normal people. That’s when you really get to know each other. His stinky feet start to bother you and you can’t stand it when he gets mad. When people start acting like themselves, it doesn’t take long to find out how to push each other’s buttons.

You start to expect certain behavior out of one another and start to know each other so well that you can deliberately say things you know will get a dirty look in return. In the "tulips and roses" phase, he can say the rudest things, but it’s cute and funny. But in the "getting to know you" phase, if he says something rude that is serious, it’s not so funny now.

This phase can last anywhere from a couple months to a year. The breaking point to move into phase three is when you really find out how to make each other happy. Phase three is the serious one, the one where the things you hate are the things you love most.

Moving from phase two to three means you both should have figured out by now how to balance a relationship in your lives. Life shouldn’t revolve around your significant other when you are in college, but if you want to make a person a part of your life, there has to be a little effort.

The further along you are in your college career, the harder it is to make a new relationship last. School, graduation and careers take an obvious precedent over someone who you’ve only known for a few months. As much as you may have secretly planned your life together in the "tulips and roses" phase, the reality is you can’t build your life around someone, even if you think you fell in love on day four.

It’s more about integrating someone, bad habits and all, into your life. In the long run, great accomplishments mean nothing if you don’t have someone great to share them with.

Views expressed in this humor column do not necessarily reflect the Northern Star or its staff. Send comments or questions to kcavarretta@northernstar. info

This is what journalists call a "seasonal lead."

It’s spring time and DeKalb is finally free from the tyrannical rule of old man winter. The sun shines, the birds chirp and people have begun to open their windows, spend time on their balconies and drink outside.

This means only one thing: people are going to yell stupid things at people that walk by.

Yes, the cat calls will be starting again. We were safe for a while, but soon students attempting to be witty will let their gums flap wildly in the breeze as they drive past.

I have experienced this first hand. While walking home from a night of drinking, I was lucky enough to be verbally assaulted by the most brilliant of these people. "Hey, get a car," is what they yelled at me from their car.

What did they expect me to do, run after them jangling my keys and shouting about being responsible? I did not do this. Instead, I stopped and stared. I was shocked by the stupidity.

During the weekend, I was pleased to hear my neighbors having a party and screaming things like "woo" and "yeah" for seemingly no reason. I have yet to figure out this phenomena myself.

What is it about being outside and a college student that makes someone behave in such an idiotic manner? Have they no idea that other people exist who are uninterested in hearing this bestial call?

Perhaps this behavior is best described in a reference to the film "Death to Smoochy." All these people want to do is let out a howl when things frustrate them. I suppose I could respect that, since I am also frustrated at times - mostly by their howling.

Some of you may be unfamiliar with people yelling and what they yell. I shall provide a few examples.

There are the obvious ones which involve yelling expletives; these are the lowest class.

The next step is something like "you have big, hairy balls" when there is no way anyone in the car could know.

From there we move on to commands and compliments like, "Oh, baby" - one of my favorites.

Finally, we get to rhetorical questions. I was once asked "why are you wearing a skirt" while on my way about town. I returned the question by asking why they were wearing pants. They stared at me, frustrated, yelled "shut up" and drove off.

I know people are going to scream like infants waiting to be changed, no matter how I much I say, they are only embarrassing themselves. I am pleading with you all to come up with something creative, or at least display your meager intellectual abilities when you yell.

An idea you may consider is reciting one of Shakespeare’s sonnets for your next drive-by. Provide an artistic outlet for yourself as well as a bit of culture for those listening.

Views expressed in this humor column do not necessarily reflect the Northern Star or its staff. Send questions and comments to bcameron@northern star.info.