GEESE SHOULD TAKE OVER
By: Olivia Zapf, Assistant Opinion Editor
Is it better to be feared or loved? Machiavelli would argue feared – and so would I. Squirrels, while cute, are no match for the menacing, honkin’ geese that NIU has been blessed with throughout its history.
NIU has tried a variety of things to get rid of the geese. From putting Vaseline on their eggs to sending dogs after them, the administration has tried – and failed – to eradicate them. Their tenacity and overcoming of adversity are crucial to NIU’s identity. Students juggle a variety of different roles – siblings, students, employees – and the geese are a perfect example of not allowing challenges to stop us.
Despite their positive qualities, they have one very, seemingly, negative trait: tyranny. Many geese are territorial and will attack people they feel threaten their goslings. While this may seem like a downside, if the geese were protecting us, they would treat those who oppose us in the aggressive manner. They are the ultimate protectors.
While on the topic of geese as protectors and representations of NIU, there is a strong argument for the NIU Huskies to become the NIU Geese based on their resilience and pride in the campus.
There are obvious positives about squirrels: they are cute, small and wouldn’t hurt our students. These are precisely the issues at hand. They could not defend us because they are cute, small and wouldn’t hurt anyone.
The time of the Huskies is over. The time of the squirrels is never. The time of the geese is forever.
SQUIRRELS SHOULD TAKE OVER
By: Lucy Atkinson, Opinion Editor
Acorn treats, warm night snuggles, playful scurries: this is the adorable lifestyle a campus run by squirrels offers.
A geese-run campus would be a corrupt oligarchy with constant political discontent. Our territorial leaders would terrify each other, and us. We all know it’s true.
The geese may bless our campus with yellow goslings in the spring, but they also bring horror: wings flapping, necks down, tongues extended in a hiss, and full-grown adult students running for their lives. There’s no time for shame when you’re escaping a goose.
NIU’s campus is filled with squirrels, but they’re constantly overlooked because the geese cause more havoc.
If squirrels took over campus, we’d expand a variety of unique skills without living in constant fear.
Squirrels could teach us some mad tree-climbing and acrobatic skills.
We’d develop foraging capabilities for nuts, seeds and sweet berries: far better food groups than the wet grass geese would have us eating.
Learning to keep stashes of our food could improve time management and rationing skills, helpful to any student.
And to ease our mental health, recall that squirrel life prioritizes food and naps. For sleepytime, squirrels tuck themselves away in warm, leafy nests. You might notice these snuggle-beds around campus; hidden in tree branches, they’re often mistaken for birds’ nests.
With squirrels in control, every dorm would smell like warm spices and fallen leaves, and every day would feel like a Beatrix Potter book come to life.
We’d be living in a woodland creature’s fairytale; geese in control would leave us all scarred, physically and mentally. In a nutshell, the winning species is perfectly clear.
