Remember the true Christmas meaning

By Sean Leary

I was watching MTV, dreaming of a white Christmas and of finding Martha Quinn in my stocking when I heard a loud noise outside. I figured it might be a cougar or something, so I grabbed my Daisy Air Rifle and went out, only to find the Sultan of Seasons Greetings, The Bambino of Good Will (no, not Perry Como) – Santa Claus!

It seemd that Rudolph mistook the beacon on top of the Holmes Student Center for a foxy doe in heat, and attempting to lambada with it, crashed the sleigh. Unfortunately for Santa, one of the NIU parking grinches barraged his sleigh with tickets, and he had to sell Girls Scout cookies door-to-door to pay them off. After buying some Peanut Roundups, and offering him a beverage, I sat down with the Claus man to ask him what he thought of NIU.

“It’s cool, but it sure ain’t the North Pole,” he said, downing a Kayo. “I like all the red and white. Lemme tell ya, when I first saw the Chich Evans Fieldhouse, I thought it was Mrs. Claus sunbathing. Da-Da-Da-BOOM! Seriously though, there’s a lot I like; especially those beer nugget things, I give them to all my helpers…yeah, I like to call them my subordinate clauses, ho-ho-ho…” One of the reindeer then did a drum roll.

Santa couldn’t stay – he still had a lot of coal to deliver to the parking division, and he was hoping to hit McScamnesia for 25 cent Gallon O’Beer night, so he split. Besides, the reindeer wanted to hit Daffy’s Wildlife and Tap and pick up some Bambies.

Santa’s visit, and the fact that DeKalb has become a winter wonderland, finally made me realize how close we are to Christmas. And I haven’t even bought any presents yet. but then again, I could always just give the gift that keeps on giving (no, not Ex-Lax-filled chocalate Santas) – McDonalds’ gifts certificates. It’s not the same as when we were kids. All you had to do was buy the most violent toy you could think of to give to your brothers and sisters, which of course would be something you wanted so when Christmas was over you could keep it.

Besides presents, the neatest thing about Christmas is the holiday TV shows. Of course there’s the Big Kahuna of Christmas shows – “It’s a Wonderful Life,” but what I was really talking about were the cartoons and the ‘puppet’ shows. You know what I mean, those shows like the one with the “Heat Miser” and “Mr. Cold” who always sng, “He’s too much!” What were those things, puppets or what? The implied technology puts even “Clutch Cargo” to shame. The all-time best one has to be the “Charlie Brown Christmas” though. It still brings tears to my eyes when Charlie Brown thinks he killed his poor little tree.

All the cartoons, presents, trees, make Christmas fun, but when it comes right down to it, we should all remember the true meaning of Christmas, that is celebrating the birth of Christ. And that certainly is reason to celebrate, with or without Jimmy Stewart. So have a great Christmas, Happy New Yer, and until next time, be casual.