SA list for Santa

By Matt Gilbert

It was a lonely cold campus here on Christmas Eve.

The students left with joy and elation.

As usual I had to sneak in and cover

Christmas with the Student Association.

And so I snuck on up to their second floor corner

In nightshirt with candle and mini-tape recorder.

They were all snuggled asleep on their couches and chairs,

Snoring, oblivious to my curious stares.

Just then on the roof I heard such a thump—

They stirred just a little, barely a jump;

I heard a shriek come from the attic.

It sounded like an excited Anna Bicanic.

Everyone jumped awake, so I quickly hid.

“Is Santa here?” I heard Dave Gonzalez kid.

“Actually, he is!” Anna said as she appeared with

Boxes of old stuff for the big twenty-fifth.

“Everyone get in line, and be careful not to pester.

This is our chance to get what we want next semester

and please don’t forget to announce me!”

Cried SA president Abe Andrzejewski.

There was confusion, but the kind that was fun

Dave tried to call club presidents, but none wanted to come

Then Santa appeared, grinning ear to ear

“What do you folks want for Christmas this year?”

Derek cried “I want professors all across the nation

To see that they publish teacher evaluations.”

Suddenly Regent Butler stood up,

“I want students, such as they are

to can the edit board of the Northern Star”

Maura asked Springfield to give us some loot

Charlotte Chambers turned down a 21-gun salute

Miguel asked for grants through refundable fees

Sylvia needed purple ribbons on her Christmas wreaths.

Grice wanted a tenant union that was his to keep;

All Gin Welch wanted was time and some sleep.

Battaglia was on guard for political crooks;

Collin said “Don’t give me nothin,‘ just pass out these books.”

“I want the multicultural class,” Abe resolved.

“But don’t forget to wait for the plan to evolve.”

“It’s the committee I wanted!” cried Kontos with delight.

Alice Hallum asked for a place to leave the kids for one night.

Stephie LaRocco suddenly appeared

Looking a bit nervous, or just downright scared.

“Santa, I know I’ve been fired; I was the pro temp.

I’ll simply say goodbye” and off she went.

And as the old man was about ready to go,

Peter Adrian asked him if he was going to say “Ho ho ho!”

Then he said “Hey, you’re not Santa, you’re a big faker.”

He tore off the beard to reveal Richard Baker.

Baker said “I’m not Santa, but he had the flu.

It’s not as though I have nothing better to do.

Here is the stuff you want, or what I could seize.

If I got any more we’d have to raise student fees.”

Then as he bellowed from his sleigh as he rode out of sight,

“Peace and justice to all and to all a good night!”