‘No Pads, No Helmets … Just Balls’

By Jessica King

Take a simple pop-punk sound and add some simple melodies, simple chords and simple lyrics, and what do you get?

A simple plan for radio and MTV success.

Modeled after musical predecessors Green Day, Blink-182 and fellow Canadians Sum-41, Simple Plan and its debut album, “No Pads, No Helmets … Just Balls,” is nothing new. Until this album’s release, the band’s biggest claim to fame was landing a song on the “Scooby-Doo” soundtrack, and Simple Plan currently is working hard to get MTV exposure.

The 13 tracks serve intrepid listeners a dish of manufactured pep and puppy-love angst, and somehow every song sounds as though it’s been done 20 times before. Junior high-style poetry provides fodder for the lyrics (You’re gone away/ I’m left alone/ A part of me is gone/ And I’m not moving on).

That said, few real duds appear on the album; Simple Plan makes every song catchy and energetic. The best is “Perfect,” an emotional plea for a father’s approval, but don’t worry, it’s still fun listening. Even the songs with seemingly sad lyrics somehow become upbeat.

Singer Pierre Bouiver can wail and whine with the best of them, and this redeems “No Pads …” just slightly. His voice hits the listener straight on with over-generic hooks and faint harmonies.

Mark Hoppus of Blink-182 and Joel Madden of Good Charlotte make guest appearances as back-up singers, although whether this lends the album artistic credibility could be debated for hours. Hoppus sings on “I’d Do Anything,” and Madden chimes in on “You Don’t Mean Anything.” Smell a contradiction? How about in the song titles “Meet You There” or “I Won’t Be There”? Unfortunately, these titles illustrate just how creative Simple Plan really is.

Alas, stupidity as well as un-originality seems to reign supreme with this album – the cover of “No Pads …” advertises a “very special SURPRISE hidden track.” Hmmm … The so-called hidden song, “Christmas List,” is nothing more than a mediocre, humorless ode to greed (So don’t stop spending/ I want a million gifts, that’s right/ Don’t forget my Christmas list tonight/ ‘Cuz now it’s Christmas).

The band would be right at home in the Mall of America, rocking out in the food court. This is one band that sticks exactly to the plan.