Lifestyles of the rich and self-absorbed

Marcus Leshock

How about a big fat apology?

The hit film “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” is being turned into a television series this midseason by CBS. The network apparently is hoping it will match the success NBC had with its 1990 spin-off, “Ferris Bueller.”

Makin’ bacon

The studio behind the new Kevin Bacon masterpiece, “Trapped,” is saying the plot may be too sensitive right now. According to the Associated Press, “Columbia Pictures has curtailed the film’s ad campaign and decided to keep the stars off the promotional talk show circuit.” Here’s an idea: How about having enough sympathy not to release these stupid movies at all?

Law and marriage

Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman are getting back together again. No, love is not in the air. The two are joining forces to sue a cosmetics company for using their images without their consent. Ah, there’s nothing like a good lawsuit to bring couples together.

Willy dismissed?

Marine biologists are having tough times with Keiko, the killer whale from the film “Free Willy.” Apparently, after being released to the wild, Keiko hasn’t shed his love for humans. He’s been letting people pet him and ride him, much to his own enjoyment. Keiko’s playfulness is angering some biologists. One in particular went on the record saying that he hopes Keiko will “choose the whales over the people.” To get the message clear to Keiko, Warner Bros. is releasing a new film, “Hey Willy, You’re Free, You Idiot! Leave Us Alone!”

Befuddled muggle?

Nancy Stouffer recently lost a lawsuit claiming that “Harry Potter” author J.K. Rowling had stolen the idea for Potter from her already written “Larry Potter” books. The judge threw out the claim stating that Stouffer obviously perpetrated a fraud. Apparently, Stouffer’s alleged writing from the 1980s used “technology not in existence at the time.” Publishing company Thurman House recently released Stouffer’s books and has since gone out of business. One can only wonder why.

Great big eyesore

“Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones” will be converted to IMAX format and shown in IMAX theaters this Christmas season. For those who are unfamiliar with the format, a typical IMAX movie screen is eight stories tall with a width that’s half the size of a football field and large enough to show a whale life-size. George Lucas must think that seeing Jar Jar Binks 10 times bigger will make him 10 times more likable. Either that or Lucas has finally found a movie screen to fit his IMAX-size ego.

Winona update!

This just in – the judge was ready to dismiss all charges against the alleged shoplifter until seeing her new film, “Mr. Deeds.” The judge has now sentenced Ms. Ryder to be drawn and quartered. Ryder’s lawyers were expected to appeal. Unfortunately for Ms. Ryder, they attended the same screening.