Northern Star

Struppendous Advice with Chris Strupp

By Chris Strupp | April 14, 2005

My friend has a habit of taking packets of ketchup, sugar, jelly and other condiments off tables at restaurants. It’s not even a once in a while thing, it’s every time he goes out. What should I say to him or do?

If anything, you should commend your friend for his clever thinking. In these topsy-turvy times, purchasing your own sugar and jelly can get way too expensive. As for the ketchup, it is my firm belief that your friend is sticking it to McDonald’s for charging him extra money to scrounge up another sweet and sour sauce packet for him to enjoy his 20 piece chicken nuggets. You’re a college student. Learn from your friend and economize the best you can.

There are a few girls in my class I think are really attractive. Do you think it is wise I talk to them? Is there anything I should know before I take this walk into unknown territory?

Most girls who you think are attractive are what I like to call, "fake hot." It is easy to pick them out in your class. Stop reading right now, scan the classroom and find the girl who spent over an hour getting ready in the morning to impress her political science class. The make up is caked on, the hair is solidly in place and she looks as though she has a thick "fake bake" tan. These are the girls you want to stay away from. Go for the girl who wears sweat pants and sweatshirts to class. They are more fun to hang out with and they are even hotter when they dress to impress.

A little kid approached me and asked if I wanted to buy a candy bar for his fundraiser, but I didn’t buy anything. Was I wrong?

I think you will be fine. Then again, all the little kid wanted to do was take a trip to Florida with the rest of his classmates. He probably had one candy bar left and you told him "no." While his classmates are chillin' with Mickey Mouse, he will be at home crying in his bed every night. He will more than likely go through months of therapy to try and figure out what he did wrong. Thanks to you, his hopes and dreams were crushed in the five seconds he approached you. All because you couldn’t spend the dollar for his candy bar of chocolate. But no, I don’t think you were wrong to do so.

Views expressed in this weekly humor column do not necessarily reflect the Northern Star or its staff. If you have comments or a question, send them to [email protected]

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