Every English class I remember being in - which includes the four times I dropped 104 on the first day - loved prewriting.

That seemed to be the most important part of the curriculum. I can recall lesson upon lesson teaching us what free-writing, clustering and brainstorming are all about.

Does the English department get funding from some private organization of prewriting-philes? Do they have a pact with the dark forces of prewriting and offer tribute to them in order to keep power? The answer to both of these questions is, "well, maybe."

It would appear that rather than teaching students how to write in classes, they have instead taught us the art of rewriting. Certainly our pre and rewriting processes would work a great deal better if we had some concept of how to write in the first place. Instead we are taught to pre-write first to conjure up ideas, like we were to harness the infernal power of the demon of prewriting: "Oh, dark lord of clustering give me the strength to write this paper, accept my ritual."

The manner I learned how to write was not directly from my education. Certainly, I have been taught to read by this glorious exploration of the language I was born into. However, I had to learn how to write from reading. Once the rudimentary elements of reading were figured out, I was pushed off into the world and told to prewrite as if it would save me from the wrath of angry English teachers.

Why is it that all of the English teachers I have ever had seemed to be so angry? A theory I have is that they, long before I did, realized their subject of expertise was useless. I am not claiming that no one speaks, reads or writes in English - that would be ridiculous.

However, I am making a claim similar to John Locke. Words are symbols, they change and are altered by each individual that experiences those symbols. The rules of grammar and writing change as a language "evolves," and it is pointless to keep track of them.

I am reminded of the rule of the split infinitive. The reason splitting infinitives is frowned upon is because some guy said so.

In the end, our rules of English are based on nothing more than a series of "some guy said so" statements. The manner we use to communicate has been chosen arbitrarily and then ignored, only to be reformatted by the Modern Language Association every year to the dismay of anyone who reads or writes in English. These MLA rules are then ignored by MLA as an attempt to, once again, figure out what English is.

I say give it up. If anything this article is a call for lingual anarchy. I’ve even adapted a war cry for us, "No Gods, No Masters, No Prewriting, Against all Authority, Lingual Anarchy."

Views expressed in this weekly humor column do not necessarily reflect the Northern Star or its staff. If you have comments or a question, send them to bcameron@northernstar.info.

Pop punk rockers Lucky Boys Confusion will pull into town Sunday night and headline the main room at Otto’s, 118 E. Lincoln Highway. Guitarist and vocalist Adam Krier recently talked to the Weekender twice, because of technical difficulties, and let us know what the band was currently up to.

Weekender: Where are you and what can you see?

Adam Krier: I’m in a luxurious apartment with really nice hardwood floors above a bar in Naperville in the downtown area. Everything in this room was made before 1985 with the exception of my DVD player and my CD player. There’s an old piano in the corner that needs to be tuned, so I should probably call a piano tuner about that.

WE: How’s the new album coming along?

AK: Well, we got off the "Suburban Cursed" tour last November and we basically took December off to relax. Starting in January and over the past six weeks, [lead singer] Stubhy and myself have been getting together a couple times a week to write and then the entire band, all five of us, get together about three or four times a week to work on new songs and put some new stuff together. We are trying to get enough stuff together so we can get three new tunes and demo those and begin to search for a new producer and a new record company.

WE: What’s up with the record company?

AK: We are no longer with our former label, Elektra Records, even though our last two tours have been the most successful tours that we ever did. When it comes time to put out a new record, we are going to need someone to help us with distribution and advertising and so on.

WE: Who is your favorite band to tour with?

AK: It’s hard to pick a favorite. You are on tour for so long and out on the road for four, five, and sometimes eight weeks at a time and you’re with about 20 people, who are from three or four different bands. You really get to know these people and you’re constantly around them and it’s kind of like a group of pirates going from town to town or something crazy like that and it’s a great experience and one of the best parts of being in a band.

WE: So what makes you "boys" so "lucky"?

AK: Ah, the name. We started back in 1997 and I was still in high school and I had just met Stubhy and he was the one who came up with the name. We were from Downers Grove and Lisle and we were supposed to be living in these great cities. Naperville was rated the No. 1 town in the country to raise children and we looked around and saw that our friends were going to jail and dropping out of school and overdosing, so the name just came from a real-life experience.

WE: Care to share a good printable road story?

AK: Well, we like to have fun with our hotel rooms. We turn them into waterparks, bars and grills; we tear off the head boards from the bed and joust with them and set off fireworks. We are in so many hotel rooms on tour that we are forced to get creative after a while. One time, I jumped out of a second story hotel room window and Stubhy thought it looked cool so he jumped out as well, but he ended up busting his ankle and spent the last two months of tour on crutches. He was a crippled rocker.

WE: What are you listening to right now?

AK: Razorlight, the Libertines, Bloc Party, Ted Leo and the Pharmacists as well as some older stuff. Joe Jackson, Elvis Costello and the Attractions, the Dead Boys, Generation X and stuff like that.

WE: Why should students come out and see you Sunday night?

AK: Well, there’s nothing else to do on a Sunday night in DeKalb, right?

Chicago punk rock has always been a bit angry. With Alkaline Trio and the Tossers taking the most mundane of topics and throwing four power chords behind them, the product resulted in bitter, upbeat music.

These days, Fall Out Boy and Lucky Boys Confusion are making catchy punk music to satisfy the new wave of the angry youth.

So newcomers Plain White T’s should be no exception, right? Wrong.

While juxtaposing both happy and sad lyrics about losing a former flame over continuous 4/4 beats, the group showcases its ability to not try anything new.

The 13 songs are too simple. As soon as lead singer Tom Higgenson’s vocals end, the songs end. The band seems almost afraid to experiment and extend the song 30 seconds longer without vocals, attributes that would possibly increase the punk sound of the album.

And what’s a punk record without an acoustic-based track? The band tries to showcase its, ahem, softer side with "Hey There Delilah," a song that just oozes out sappiness in Higgenson’s vocals.

It sounds like the Plain White T’s need to add some color to its wardrobe.

The year is 1942. A young war veteran named Michael Satariano has returned to his home of DeKalb after receiving the Medal of Honor in the Philippines.

Racked with guilt and remorse, Satariano finds it difficult to adjust to life in peace time. So when G-Man Elliot "Untouchable" Ness comes calling for Satariano, Michael doesn’t hesitate to rekindle his old war with the mob.

With the help of Ness, Satariano infiltrates a criminal organization headed by Al Capone and Frank Nitti. Experienced, connected, armed and dangerous, Michael sets out to avenge the death of his father at the hands of a mob assassin 10 years ago. In doing so, Michael begins his long road to Purgatory.

"The Road to Purgatory" is Max Allan Collins’ prose sequel to his graphic novel "The Road to Perdition," which was adapted into a film of the same name with Tom Hanks in the lead role.

The main character, Michael Satariano, is really Michael Sullivan Jr., who traveled with his gangster father through the Depression era Midwest in "Road to Perdition."

Collins’ novels are historical fiction, weaving Sullivan’s journey around historical figures such as Elliot Ness and Al Capone into non-fictional locales in DeKalb and Chicago.

The novel follows Michael from the jungles of the Philippines and through the urban jungle of gangland Chicago, but Michael begins his journey into Capone’s criminal empire in the idyllic town of DeKalb.

DeKalb contrasts the innocence of Michael’s childhood with the violence of his past. Although writer Collins grew up in Iowa, he has fond memories of the DeKalb area.

"My aunt and uncle live in Sycamore, and I was a visitor there and in DeKalb countless times, including high school," Collins said. "So it was a small idyllic town in the Chicago area with which I was familiar - I could call upon my memories, not just research."

Although DeKalb’s role in the book is small compared to the ominous setting of Capone’s Chicago, the themes presented by DeKalb remain a crucial part of Michael’s character. One character connected to the themes of DeKalb is Patsy Ann O’Hara, Sullivan’s high school girlfriend, who is studying to be a teacher at DeKalb’s Northern State Teacher’s College, the school which would one day come to be known as Northern Illinois University. O’Hara and DeKalb embody the innocence that complicates Sullivan’s mission of vengeance in Chicago.

For information on DeKalb, Collins contacted his cousin, Kris Povlsen, who is DeKalb’s 2nd Ward Alderman. Povlsen put Collins in contact with local historian Stephen J. Bigolin.

"My area of expertise is the old buildings and landmarks of DeKalb," said Bigolin. "Max called me one evening and we spoke at great length. He wanted to use some landmarks as references for his novels. I recall sending some postcards of old buildings in DeKalb to use as the references."

Landmarks such as the Egyptian Theatre and the bandshell provide the setting for the pivotal scenes that shape Michael’s journey from the cornfields of DeKalb to the Chicago underworld.

"The Road to Purgatory" is the middle installment in Collins’ trilogy of the American Dream. He has already begun writing the final installment, "The Road to Paradise," and he has also published several graphic novels that tie into "The Road to Perdition" on various points of the Sullivan family’s journey.

Although DeKalb will not be a location in the "The Road to Paradise," Collins did confirm the town is mentioned prominently throughout the narration. Having written most of the locales involved in his trilogy from childhood memory, Collins has similar advice for aspiring writers. He also believes college is a good source of writing experience.

"Write now, while you’re in an academic setting and can get some credit for it," Collins said. "Also, write from your experience, and don’t be seduced by either literary pretension or commercial notions."

"The Road to Purgatory" is available in bookstores now, and "The Road to Paradise" is tentatively scheduled for a November release.

If you want to see Lil Flip and the way he balls, Friday night is your chance.

The Houston-based rapper is scheduled to perform at 7 p.m. Friday at the Music Building’s Concert Hall. Doors open at 6 p.m.

A Dollar Production is presenting Lil Flip, with special guest 2 $ense, who has been featured on BET’s "Uncut."

Tickets were $15 for students and $20 for general public in advance, or $25 at the door. Only at-the-door tickets remain.

Tickets originally were on sale at the CAB box office. However, an acountancy error caused all advanced sales to be put on hold.

Tim Blickhan, assistant director and coordinator of graduate studies, handles the booking for Concert Hall. Blickhan confirmed the hall has been rented Friday evening by NIU’s Black Studies Program, which aided in bringing Lil Flip to DeKalb.

Lil Flip, who started off underground in Houston, was part of the late DJ Screw’s rhyme team, The Screwed Up Click. His first indie debut, "The Leprechaun," moved 100,000 records. Lil Flip’s first major label debut, "Undaground Legend," went platinum.

His third installment, "U Gotta Feel Me," has produced hits such as "Sunshine," which has had heavy rotation on MTV, and "Game Over."

n a scene midway through "Son of the Mask," a baby is stuffed into a cannon. Various rockets and bombs are stuffed around him before the cannon is lit, sending the baby hurtling into the air where he explodes into a firework pattern of the American flag.

This scene is animated and involves the family dog. Also, I am told, "Son of the Mask" is a "kids’ movie."

To people like director Lawrence Guterman, dubbing a film a "kid’s movie" gives the film permission to be imbecilic, boring, stereotypical and flat-out offensive.

Tell me this: How does a child feel when he sees the lead character in a "kids’ movie" tackle his wife, grab her by the neck and slam her over and over again into the living room floor?

What message does this send to children in a "kids’ movie," especially one about a husband learning how to take over "husbandly duties" (i.e., becoming the breadwinner, handing parenting duties over to the wife, acquiring a job title respected by society, etc.)?

Tim Avery (played by Jamie Kennedy and named after animator Tex Avery) works as a tour guide at an animation studio. Tim’s an animator and desperately wants his own show, but he just doesn’t know how to pitch it. He’s also not very good at animating much of anything - another tiny problem.

Tim’s wife, Tonya, has a respectable job at a corporation. But like every working woman, she desperately wants a baby. She believes tour guide Tim will make a fine father. Yet Tim wants nothing to do with children. Enter important coincidence A.

The family dog finds the infamous green Loki mask floating downstream in a local creek. He brings the mask home to Tim, who eventually wears it to the company Halloween party. But this is a magic mask, and wearing it makes the individual attempt his or her best Jim Carrey impersonation (in actor Jamie Kennedy’s case, worst impersonation). Cartoon Tim leads the crowd in a silly music video, then goes home to knock up his wife.

Note to children: When you knock up your wife as a superhero, you will have a superhero baby.

So the baby is born with unusual powers that only Tim notices. Tonya leaves town, leaving Tim to take care of the superbaby.

Things go really bad - not because Tim is a bad father but because his son hates him and wants to drive him into an insane asylum. In turn, the family dog hates the baby because he’s, well, the family dog.

Oh, right, the God of Mischief really needs his mask back and kills a bunch of people trying to get it. He also knows a baby has been born with his powers, and he wants to find the baby. Which he does, and the superhero car chase follows.

"Son of the Mask" is not a movie for kids. It’s insulting to them, and one of the worst movies anyone will ever see in a movie theater.

It proves that writing for children is one of the most difficult tasks for a screenwriter. While it may seem impossible to most, you can grab and hold a child’s attention through words and story. A film with heart can be more pleasing than seeing a main character drenched in urine.

Children also identify with real, normal characters who don’t make weird faces or shoot anything. If that’s a bit too difficult, fantasy can be smart. Just look at "The Incredibles."

"Son of the Mask" is not worth any more of my time. It is definitely not worth any of yours.

A colleague asked if I liked the film, and I said no. He asked if I would bring kids to the movie. I don’t have any kids. But if I did?

How about a book?

The first lady of The Inc Records returns to prove her musical maturity in "Concrete Rose."

Ashanti’s music combines R&B (soft, sensual, beautiful, like a rose) and hip-hop (hard, solid, like unbreakable concrete).

Featured artists include T.I., Lloyd, Ja Rule, Shi Shi and 7 Aurelius.

This is Ashanti’s third album since her debut in 2002.

Tracks like "Only You" and "Wonderful" are already hits on the radio.

About eight of the 16 tracks are hot because of the beats and lyrics, not to mention Ashanti’s improved vocal performance.

In the past, a signature Ashanti track would be a redundant song with a catchy beat and simple lyrics.

She’s only 24 years old but has earned acclaim like Aretha Franklin.

That may be a stretch, but she is on her way to what could help her earn that comparison.

To say she has come with her "A" game and realized she couldn’t get away with another track like "Oh, Baby" would be the best way to describe Ashanti’s best work yet.

No matter how many movies are made about pets and people ("Lassie," "That Darn Cat," "Paulie") there is a human fascination with man and animal that will continue to provide material for years to come.

And in my opinion, there can never be too many dog-and-kid-movies. Or maybe I’m just an overzealous dog lover.

Either way, like heroine Opal’s friendship with Winn-Dixie, you won’t be able to leave this one behind.

In this story about a preacher’s daughter, India Opal (played by 10-year-old AnnaSophia Robb), moves with her father (Jeff Daniels) into a trailer in Naomi, Fla. Her relationship with him is overwrought - she calls her father "The Preacher" - and her mother left for unknown reasons when she was just 3 years old.

Opal is lonely as any little girl can be - not only is her home life depressing, but she also can’t seem to befriend any of the kids in town. But one day, The Preacher sends Opal on an errand to the grocery store where she meets a mischievous, scruffy shepherd. She names him after the store - Winn-Dixie - and the two become best friends instantly.

Opal’s friendship with Winn-Dixie does wonders for the little girl as she now has someone to go on adventures with, confide in and take comfort with - a relationship any pet-owner can relate to.

Opal begins to become friends with Naomi’s quirkiest inhabitants, who are somewhat lonely themselves. These characters are as strange as they are touching, and a delight to watch.

Miss Franny, (Eva Marie Saint) is an old, bachelorette librarian who needs no more than the company of books and has a collection of candies called Litmus Lozenges (the factory kept the town going years ago) that aptly captures the taste of sorrow.

Gloria (Cicely Tyson), an old woman that neighborhood brats call "The Witch," has a spiritual view on her past and hangs her old whiskey and beer bottles from strings on a giant tree that keeps her "old ghosts" (past mistakes) away.

And the most surprising character is Otis, (Dave Matthews), a pet shop keeper who served time and fittingly is a musician who sometimes plays music on his guitar for the animals to enjoy. (Yes, he plays a song in the movie but tells a story to it more than actually sings.)

"Because of Winn-Dixie" is worth a viewing for its impressive cast alone, but its story is even more uplifting and inspiring. Granted, Robb doesn’t always deliver her maximum potential in the more dramatic parts of the movie, but she’s a little sweetheart worth watching.

If you like pets, had a crummy childhood or just like coming-of-age stories, check this one out. It doesn’t overload on the saccharin and leaves you feeling satisfied like a Litmus Lozenge.

Five days before the scheduled March 1 release of "Frances The Mute," The Mars Volta will hit Otto’s Niteclub, 118 E. Lincoln Highway.

Sort of.

In conjunction with Weekender and Universal Records, the venue will host a premiere party for the band’s second full-length LP.

The event will begin at 10 p.m. in the Underground with a concluding time yet to be determined.

Otto’s will play "Frances The Mute" in its entirety as well as several Mars Volta videos.

In addition to providing the music for the evening, Universal Records will give away Mars Volta posters and raffle off a copy of 2003’s "De-Loused In The Comatorium."

"This will be a huge treat for fans of The Mars Volta, because not only will they be the first on their campus to hear the new record, but they'll also see the video for ‘The Widow,’ which is quite interesting," said Scott Kawa, Universal Records college and lifestyle marketing representative.

The group’s sophomore album comes nearly two years after the critically acclaimed debut and almost four years since At The Drive-In split to form Sparta and The Mars Volta.

Before I saw "Constantine," I considered it one of the biggest blunders in the fashionable trend of comic book adaptations.

Only Hollywood would cast one of the flattest actors imaginable to play a character so complex and captivating that he literally bleeds off the comic book panels he inhabits. Fortunately, I was wrong. The movie "Constantine" was not only salvageable, but ultimately enjoyable.

Make no mistake, Keanu Reeves is horribly miscast in the role of John Constantine. The role calls for a blonde-haired, middle-aged Brit, and Reeves is not any of those things. Fortunately, Reeves manages to pull off the elements that have made John Constantine so enjoyable in the comic book, capturing his sardonic wit and indignant air. Another preserved comic book quality is Constantine's "devil-may-care" attitude, which gives Lucifer himself a run for his money.

Even after 200-plus issues of his own series, "Hellblazer," John Constantine remains a mystery. The movie dumbs down some of the complexity surrounding Constantine, but it still carries his moral ambiguity.

As a child, Constantine can see both divine and demonic forces gridlocked in conflict in the shadows of everyday life. After a botched suicide, Constantine is dead, but only for two minutes before he is resuscitated. Those two minutes are enough to get him barred from heaven. As a result, Constantine spends the better part of his life sending offending demon half-breeds back to hell in an effort to get on God’s good side. And it doesn’t seem to be working.

Soon, Constantine is embroiled in a plot involving police officer Angela Dodson (Rachel Weisz), the apparent suicide of Dodson’s twin sister, Isabella, and the machinations of both the sadistic demon Balthazar (Gavin Rossdale) and the equally ruthless Gabriel (Tilda Swinton).

While the movie perfectly captures the atmosphere of the Vertigo/DC Comic, the plot is somewhat poorly stitched together. All of the scenes are rather enjoyable, but they don’t always fit together in a cohesive manner.

In the latter half of the movie, Constantine wields a fire-breathing shotgun, a mystical weapon that loses all appeal after it is fired a few times. Also, the gun downplays Constantine's ability to outsmart his adversaries, which is really the crux of the movie. Later sequences involving the holy shotgun look more like "Blade" than "Constantine." Fortunately, Constantine loses the weapon by the film’s enjoyable and unorthodox climax.

Overall, "Constantine" is an enjoyable movie that is neither disposable nor profound. The character of John Constantine is a compelling mix of self-serving cynicism and self-sacrificing bravery. It is a motif that only the finest comic book writers can maintain, and only time will tell if a "Constantine" film franchise can be just as successful.

To disconnect is to detach oneself from something or someone.

For California boys Goldfinger, "Disconnection Notice" is their fifth album, and it leads to a bit of disconnect in regard to who they are.

No experimentation produces the same old thing time after time, which is a lesson learned by many.

This album consists of some hardcore-punk and pop-punk.

Goldfinger created hits and misses, but a few songs seemed to belong on a Simple Plan album.

The first single, "Wasted," is a good jump-around-and-push-the-person-next-to-you song, with catchy lyrics and beats.

"Behind The Mask" is catchy and resembles a No Doubt hook.

Most of the lyrics make it seem like singer John Feldmann has had a recent heartache and felt the need to share it with everyone.

On "Ocean Size," Feldmann whimpers, "I never asked for your little games or all your guilted shame." Insert teardrop now.

Feldmann begins "Damaged" with an eerie wail that continues throughout, like he is shivering from the cold.

A constant annoyance is how the band tries to put political views into polite and cute songs.

Fans have heard better from Goldfinger.